The Pigletski Triplets
A New Twist On An Old Favorite
by Jill Becker
The Pigletski triplets, after completing their respective graduate programs, went out into the world to make their way.
The first sister, Margaret, graduated from law school and joined a prestigious firm located in the thirty-story straw building at the center of town. One of her clients, Mr. Wolf, had an appointment to talk with Margaret Pigletski about a legal issue he was having with a boy who kept crying, “Wolf! Wolf!” Mr. Wolf was unhappy when Margaret’s meeting with her prior client went a little long. Throughout the halls of Pig, Swine and Hog, LLC, the following could be heard……
“Ms. Pigletski, Ms. Pigletski, let me come in!”
Margaret hadn’t seen her electrologist in quite a while and replied, “Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!”
Mr. Wolf, after having run up 23 flights of stairs said, “Then I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your door in!”
And, huffing and puffing, Mr. Wolf did, in fact, blow in the door of Margaret’s straw office. Margaret was very upset and ran off to seek the advice of the second sister, Bethany, the psychiatrist.
Bethany believed that sticks and stones could break bones but names could never hurt her clients; as a behaviorist she chose to treat her patients in an office made of sticks. Margaret, traumatized by the destruction of her own office, sought the counsel of her heady sister, Bethany.
Mr. Wolf, surprised by his own strength decided to seek the advice of a professional who specialized in anger management. He called Bethany Pigletski’s office on his cell-phone and requested an urgent appointment.
Upon entering Bethany’s office, her secretary gave Mr. Wolf a double-large, non-fat, iced mocha cappuccino with whipped cream and informed him that the doctor was engaged with another client (Margaret). Mr. Wolf was unable to contain his rage and began pounding on the door to Bethany’s office:
“Dr. Pigletski, Dr. Pigletski, let me come in!”
Bethany, having the same hirsute issues as Margaret and the lack of a good electrologist said, “Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!”
At that Mr. Wolf, fueled by a hefty dose of caffeine, lost all control and said, “Then I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your office door in!”
And, huffing and puffing, Mr. Wolf managed to blow down Bethany’s door of sticks and found both Bethany and Margaret inside the office. Bethany took Margaret’s hand and the two sisters ran to see the third sister, Gertrude the engineer, for some advice about building a stronger office door.
Gertrude, or Gerty as her friends called her, did careful research before she built her office building. As a result of this research, she decided to make her building out of cement and brick. At the time both her sister Bethany and her sister Margaret criticized her for making a building that appeared so ordinary. But, as Gerty listened to her sisters recount their stories about Mr. Wolf, it was clear that the two other Pigletskis had a new found respect for Gerty’s choice of construction materials.
Little did any of them know that Mr. Wolf was feeling utterly dejected and had followed Bethany and Margaret to Gerty’s office building. Gerty, always the practical one, had been concerned that something like this might happen and had locked the door behind her sisters. Soon the Pigletski sisters heard the familiar,
“Pigletski triplets, Pigletski triplets, let me come in!”
And, although Gerty was up to date on her depilatory services, they said in unison, “Not by the hairs of our chinny chin chins!”
At this point Mr. Wolf had a complete psychotic break and yelled, “Then I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your office in!”
Mr. Wolf took an enormous breath and tried to blow the door in. He tried again, and again, and still again. But, Gerty had taken every engineering precaution and had constructed a sturdy office with a steel-plated door. The door did not budge.
Mr. Wolf became enraged. He tried to break in through the windows but noticed they were made of tempered glass. He tried to tunnel under the walls but found a foundation of poured concrete. He even went so far as to dress in sheep’s clothing but could not make it past security without the proper identification. Mr. Wolf was terribly frustrated when, suddenly, he noticed a chimney on top of the building. He felt exhilarated as he climbed to the roof and let himself, carefully, down the chimney.
What Mr. Wolf didn’t realize was that the Pigletski sisters were huge s’mores fans. They had made a fire in the fireplace and were busy discussing commercial construction over toasted marshmallows and having a proper chocolate binge when Mr. Wolf tried to touch down.
“YOUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Screamed Mr. Wolf.
He scurried back up the chimney and down the side of the building. As he was climbing Mr. Wolf saw, in the distance, a large billboard with the picture of a little woman dressed in a red cloak sitting beside an older woman in bed-clothes and a night-cap. Under the photograph was the caption: Little Red Riding Hood and Grannie, Licensed Psychologists.
And off Mr. Wolf went to seek some grandmotherly therapy.